Beauty and…..The single life?

Ahh…(Deep sigh) Only the lord knows how often I am asked “ Why are you so beautiful  and you’re single?”  I really need to get an empty office water cooler bottle(LOL) and put a nickel in their every time I hear this, maybe this will help me save money! Good idea Jenn. 

“Why hasn’t anyone taken you off the market?” 

And he followed up with….”What’s wrong with you?” LOL and No, I did not get offended but it made me think!  And a lot of times I refer to my rolodex( in my head) of quotes because I need some sort of guidance and sometimes my friends aren’t the great philosophers I need them to be.. So I stopped at an Albert Einstein Quote:

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Eureka! I thought to myself! I’m insane that’s why!

So I thought about all of the common things that I do.  I try to be captain save a hoe.  I try to date people I’m not attracted to and hope I’ll learn to love them.  I’ll try to love someone who doesn’t want to be loved.  But why?

Is something wrong with my self esteem?!!?? Is this my form of sabotaging a potential relationship! I don’t know but one thing I learned was I have to identify what I look for first.  Thanks  Aristotle -  “Well begun is half done.”  

Second thing I needed to do was to ask myself “Am I that retarded that I continue to do the same thing over and over again and I never notice?!”  Perhaps! But in my defense =) each of my experiences have all been the same but with very different “Twist”.

Majority of the men I go for are the “Commitment phoebes” The challenge does something to me. Hearing someone tell me, they like me but, they love being single, entices me! (P.S. I think men know what they are doing when they say this: BEWARE) Again in my defense, I’m pretty sure right before I met each of these lovely men I was sitting on a couch somewhere watching lifetime, with a cup of tea, my hair in shambles and thinking “Oh my god..This could totally be me” I always thought that would be the best wedding speech!

“My dearest Jennifer, Oh when I met you, I wanted nothing more than to be selfish, lonely, and a bachelor forever…But then you came along and you changed my whole life….( praises me)…oh you’re so beautiful,(more praises), thank you for changing my mind…I love you”  The crowd goes wild with cheers and happiness…..and off into the sunset we go to live this happy life….

BUT as always… (deep sigh) It doesn’t happen like that!

Instead I’m investing time into someone who clearly just wants the companionship but not the commitment, someone who is really not what I need or want in life. We women always describe the same thing; you know what it is… Our needs, our wants, our description of a man are generally all the same but obviously we all can’t have the same man, Angelina Jolie has him. Self sabotage again!

It is easy for us to say what we want, but when someone appears before us who at first is different then what we expect we give them the boot!  We won’t even know if this person was someone who would be great for us. We set expectations and limitations for ourselves but we are not brave enough to go to the unknown. Majority of us are all insane!  We go for the same guy over and over again thinking the outcome will be better…

One day I remember having what I thought to be a deep conversation with a person, and I asked “ I can tell you have a wall up, Do you want someone to break it down?” What a great question that is to ask, write that down for future reference.  Anywho, he never formally answered, but I ignored it, I psyched myself out to think otherwise, when all along he did answer.  Sometimes actions do speak louder than words but we have to choose to listen to them.

Some people can have a wall up, that is fine. The question is do they really want someone to break it down? Some people like where they are.

In everyone’s defense I really do believe knowingly hurting someone isn’t our first choice, but not letting someone know how you really feel is worse. 

Settling:  What a lot of us single folks do. 

A lot of relationships fail because we go into them settling, trying to build something off of a foundation that was NEVER stable to begin with. 

Expectations: Setting yourself up for failure, when you expect less you receive more. Obviously this refers to outlandish expectations.  Example: a 4 karat ring when you have a $100 budget.

Learn how and when to use both of those actions accurately.

Next time this beauty jumps into something I will:

•   Be honest with my needs
• Be respectful of the other person
•  Accept the truth of the matter
• Not only hear what the other person is saying but LISTEN
•  I will not expect a marriage proposal on my 2^nd date. I’ll just enjoy every moment to the fullest
• I will not settle nor will I allow someone to settle just for me…( If I’m not a good match )

Homework for your next date: Just relax, enjoy the company, be honest and don’t be afraid of change.

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Love and Light!

Jenny Love!

Something Positive - At Last

At Last Lyrics by Etta James

At last, my love has come along
My lonely days are over
And life is like a song

Oh, yeah, at last
The skies above are blue
My heart was wrapped up in clovers
The night I looked at you

I found a dream that I could speak to
A dream that I can call my own
I found a thrill to rest my cheek to
A thrill that I have never known

Oh, yeah when you smile, you smile
Oh, and then the spell was cast
And here we are in heaven
For you are mine
At last

At Last: By the amazingly graceful Etta James.

http://www.links2love.com/love_lyrics_441.htm
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After each of my "harsh", "cold","resentful", "relationship bashing" articles I still want you to know that while the truth really does hurt, there is something beautiful that comes after the storm....After all of those heart breaks, tear filled nights, embarrassing drunk dialing moments...One day you will find your "At Last" moment....


Love and Light

Jenny Love

The Wind Beneath my wings (But it’s windless out).

The Wind Beneath my wings (But it’s windless out).

“Did you ever know that you're my hero?
You're everything I wish I could be.
I could fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the wind beneath my wings”

Oh Love, how beautiful the sounds… Especially back in 1982 when this lovely song brought joy, meaning, passion, and everything else to the day to day relationship in that era.

I wonder how many couples danced to this at their wedding? Or dedicated this song to their first love? Or how many women heard this song and thought about that loser, I mean their current dream guy and thought, “This is how he makes me feel”….PS..I am guilty of the above.

Well the answer to those questions are, A LOT! A lot of people listen to these songs, especially during a vulnerable moment and they sound good, but what do they really mean?

Here is my disclaimer:: The following statement/opinions made are completely MY OPINION! It is neither to reflect negativity against the above mentioned song nor to make you stop listening to these sappy loves songs! The point is to get you to realize reality. Go back to my first blog and reread. If you have a problem with this, ask yourself “why so complicated?”

Back to me breaking down some of these lyrics:

Wait! First I will start off with a giving an analogy, the analogy reflects the basis of this entire topic:
Everyone knows of these 2, this is the only reason WHY I am using this…..

Drum Roll please……………….

The Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy Love Story of:  SAMMIE AND RON!!!! Can I get a Fist pump please??!!!???   (PS..Get that Kanye Album)

Can someone please google if birds can fly without wind? LOL. I know. The answer is yes! 
So why the crackerjacks would you think you need another person to do something? Why is music promoting this? Why is Sammie putting up with Ron? Why is Ron crying like an infant out the womb after verbally abusing the hell out of Sam?

The answer, in my opinion is, we again continue to listen to what we are told about love, we continue to go against our better judgment and do as we see. We are a product of our society. 

Our Divorce rates are estimated between 40 – 50%. 1 in every 4 women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.Too sad!!!!!

I think the most common question we ask when it comes to any sort of abuse, is why does the victim stay in this predicament, (because this does not define a relationship)?

A lot of answers come to one’s mind but in MY opinion we really accept these things because we believe in the dreams we are sold. We believe we cannot be alone. We believe we need another person to achieve our goals. We are afraid of not being loved. We need to be able to feel those butterflies when that new Usher hit comes on the radio, even if our relationship is a façade. 

Ok, I know that was deep!  I BELIEVE this has truth to it…

Every so often we hear some women/men empowering entertainment. Majority of the time it is a break up song, we really do not motivate one another positively. 

A friend of mine mentioned insecurities or a self esteem issues comes with accepting this sort of behavior. OR the person who inflicts this behavior is suffering from a one of the two mentioned issues. I really think it’s a 50/50 thing.

How does someone come across thinking they need wind beneath their wings to fly?

Exactly.

Let’s learn to be self sufficient.

Let’s learn to respect one another.

And most importantly let’s learn how to love right.
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Love and Light to All!


Jenny Love!

Why Soooooo Complicated?

I often think to myself, why so complicated? I find that I ask myself that question periodically throughout the day and to the most randomest things ( Yes, I make words up). It always seems that I come across the most pretentious situations, where I am forced to reconsider my judgment(although I know I am right)! I even found myself creating a forum where I post questions and have my friends give me their thoughts. I figure this is the easiest and cheapest way ( without seeing a shrink) to really see if my perception really is my reality or if my reality is a skewed as I think.

One of my favorite topics are Relationships!

Since I could remember, even up to now, I always and will forever believe in fairytales.. Along my, what feels like long journey through the jungles of love, I have come to realize that not everyone is guaranteed a "Happily Ever After"  For the most part, a lot of individuals will have a happy few months and/or years. After the initial honey moon stage is over, it seems someone in the relationship goes stir crazy, as if they have been hit with some sort of "act crazy" lightning bolt!

Have you ever asked someone why their relationship failed?

If you pay close attention and learn to connect the dots in this dating conspiracy, you'll quickly learn that 88.7% of people will give you the same answer..Perhaps verbalized differently but in all actuality, it equates to the same thing.

Have you ever asked a happily married couple what is their "secret"?

I am certain you got a response that included " It takes hard work" " we listen to each other" blah blah blah... Guess what readers? It isn't a secret if you hear it once or continuously.

The problem is not, not knowing what to do but it's YOU.

My "hunch" is that it is easier for us to sabotage a good thing versus trying to elongate our happiness. Society reacts more towards misery, sadness and dismay versus all that is positive.
Ever notice when you break up with someone, a million people have the same question to ask over and over again? for months nonetheless. Even when you are finally over your past relationship, there is always that one person who has to bring it up again..... I know this is a culmination of other things and my paranoia that leads me to believe that this, in some way is a form of torture.

Fine - Go ahead and think that it isn't a big deal but I guarantee you that right after you are done with that innocent conversation you welcome yourself to " Daydream Land" and thoughts of your ex float around all day and their voice whispers in your ear.... Thank Society for that!
On the contrary, lets pretend you are in this happy relationship and all you see is cotton candy and rainbows all the time. How often does someone really pry into your relationship? Maybe one or two questions but the point of the matter is, if you are happy, NO ONE really cares! I'm sorry, yes, yes, I'm not being nice, I know! But again being nice isn't going to help you. If we continue to lie to one another then we will continue to get the same negative outcomes and this my friends is a form of INSANITY!

So think of my blogs as free therapy for the poor man...

 Why so complicated?

We "have" to be complicated to get the reaction our ego's wish for! Point Blank. It is an innocent form of sabotage.

A great example that I can give. A good friend of mine, who once was a love interest, I remember gave me all these words and phrases that I "shouldn't" use. I believe the reason he gave me went something like " these words make me uncomfortable"
In "Lust Land" you make excuses and laugh off many things (I think this is another form of insanity) but when you come back to reality his unnecessary insecurities were a form of complication .

Let's break it down:

If you say something he doesn't like, well then you broke one of the rules of your "engagement" and now he has an out....He may not immediately break away from you but that little thing you said lingers around.
Now you see how easy it is to complicate things without even knowing that someone is complicating the situation?

Honesty is non existent in reality.

Honesty has taken a new form of deception sugar coated with candy kisses and a good lay. There is where we fail to live in reality and when "Lust Land" is highly occupied with desperate souls.

When did being honest with someone become a crime, or better yet when did being honest become a cliche? Who woke up one day and said " You know what,I prefer to keep my emotions to myself and let this person run with their thoughts" ?

Why are YOU soo complicated?

I'll leave you with this:: Learn not to question the unexplainable but learn to love it. -JL

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Future blogs to follow up::

Love and Light!

Jenny Love