Jenny Love Speaks Truth.....: All the Signs: All the Signs Being that I pride myself in having a good understanding of the male species, one would think that I’d catch on to thing...
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All the Signs
Being that I pride myself in having a good understanding of the male species, one would think that I’d catch on to things fairly quickly. That definitely was not the case in this 2 month story.
I recently had an experience where this “young” man, had many of the bells and whistles one looks for. I hate to stereotype but he initially was not my cup of tea but grew on me. His demeanor was one that made me lift an eyebrow; humble towards his appearance was not something he was. Glorified his self as the best in everything and of course was a “catch” for the next single woman.
I of course always brush off the things people say in the beginning of courtship.
Remember – It’s like you’re in a retail store, the sales associate views you as the goal and will do anything to get the “sale”.
However, as I encourage everyone to do, know what you like, don’t fall for the gimmicks and you should be able to make wise decisions; Wise being the keyword.
It took us 2 weeks to decide to go on a date: date 1 was fun, a bit of chemistry but something was off.
It took me almost 3 weeks to get to date 2! Mind you, I spoke to this individual pretty frequently. The official excuse was work, work and work. Being that my schedule at times is a little tight, of course I understood. Date 2 and 3 were a little weird, I felt as I did back in High School. Superficial, substance- less conversation and again something was off.
Mother always said, “Listen with your instincts”.
After Date 3, my instincts were raging, screaming at me in a way and I had to step back and re-play everything I described.
Long pauses between dates: When and IF a man is wholeheartedly interested in you, nothing will stop him from seeing you again. He’ll either be very communicative with you about his unruly schedule or work it out. Point blank.
Routines: Be wary of them. When you notice that you’re falling quickly into a pattern or trend, now is the time to question it.
Nonchalant guilt: This occurs when someone is exhibiting unusual behaviors but brushes off said behavior. If we realize someone is doing this and we “ignore” or “excuse” them, we are just as guilty.
I realized we were in a routine, routines are good but not in the courtship timeframe. I took my advice and I was honest with him. I asked directly and sternly.
When you incorporate honesty, pure honesty in your conversations with someone, your question will initiate an honest reaction.
His reaction was one that I was not satisfied with.
I believe that in order for anything to work effectively, you have to be content with the decisions of your partner. Partnership is built on mutual agreement. If I have a problem with said routine then what can we do to fix to it. Suggestions were never offered. Action had to be taken.
Now here we are, I have another topic to discuss and another lesson learned.
For me and for anyone reading this, take the signs, read them, do as they direct you to and move on when you should. Staying longer, excusing behavior you would not exhibit yourself and accepting the lack of respect you receive is not the purpose of these blogs.
Every day I have the opportunity to do better, to take my lessons learned from yesterday and to not allow them to happen again.
Practice, repeat and change.
The outcome you desire will soon come.
Love & Light
It’s almost 11:00 pm on a beautiful Saturday night; I’m single, in a big tee-shirt and shorts….Googling wedding dresses!
Not quite sure what happened between eating chips and singing along to Coldplay but something definitely happened. I have to admit I am the ultimate romantic, can sit at home for days watching wedding shows but I have never actually gone and looked at gowns online or given any real thought to the idea! Perhaps I’m running a fever?
A few weeks ago, I was watching Sex and The City; it was the episode where Carrie and Miranda were trying on dresses in hopes of calming Carrie’s growing anxiety over getting engaged. Well ultimately Carrie broke out in hives and ripped the dress right off of her. I spoke to one of my girlfriends about the episode and she said “Jenny that is something I know you would totally do!”
I mean hasn’t everyone, male and female, thought about their wedding?
Haven’t we all broken out in hives, had small panic attacks or shortness of breath when thinking of committing to someone for the rest of our lives?
If you laughed and said “No”, well thanks for making this conversation awkward for me. Appreciate it.
It’s such a big commitment that should never be taken lightly, any sort of commitment that involves someone else, where you have an effect on their emotional wellbeing, warrants careful consideration. Quite frankly, when I think of that, I start to sweat a little bit, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Now if you feel like this is something you cannot do and you’re freaking out, DON’T DO IT!
Back to my moment of enlightenment:
So I’m hardcore looking at different sites, thinking I won’t look good in this, no, my guest wouldn’t appreciate this style, this is out of my budget and etcetera. Then of course I snap back into reality and realize, Jenn…you’re not engaged, your single and you’re losing it!
Now I wonder am I really losing it? I know many women and men who have always planned their wedding and thought about how that would be, so why do I feel like if I share this with the world, that I am going to be judged?
Well, that’s because I will be judged.
Weddings in our modern day are not what they use to be. Now, SOME of them serve as “get out of jail free cards” and “relationship solidifiers”. How often do we hear or say to someone, “Oh you’ve been with ___ for 1 year? When are you getting engaged? When is the big day?”
It seems as though we’re in a race and the big trophy is getting married. I mean I’m certain the pressure of being with someone intensifies when everyone around you is pushing you towards something. More often than not we women apply the same pressure, guilty tripping and giving unwarranted ultimatums.
Men! You do it too! You use marriage as a carrot and dangle it in front us and of course when someone wants something, nothing stands in our way of getting it, even our own good conscious.
What about all of the other people who ignore the pressures of today, believe in the sanctity of marriage and actually want to be a husband/wife? Where do we stand? Are we dying breed? Should I keep searching for my dream dress?
I’m going to say yes! Keep that hope alive, stay true to your values and you’ll be shopping for wedding attire sometime soon I hope.
Be mindful of the pressures of today, there are almost 7 billion people in the world, the right one for you is out there. Finally, remember, if you’re going to marry someone it should be a lifetime commitment so don’t rush time, let time run its natural course.
Back to Google I go!
Love & Light
Jenny Love 2224