A Wedding?

A Wedding?

It’s almost 11:00 pm on a beautiful Saturday night; I’m single, in a big tee-shirt and shorts….Googling wedding dresses!

Not quite sure what happened between eating chips and singing along to Coldplay but something definitely happened. I have to admit I am the ultimate romantic, can sit at home for days watching wedding shows but I have never actually gone and looked at gowns online or given any real thought to the idea! Perhaps I’m running a fever?

A few weeks ago, I was watching Sex and The City; it was the episode where Carrie and Miranda were trying on dresses in hopes of calming Carrie’s growing anxiety over getting engaged. Well ultimately Carrie broke out in hives and ripped the dress right off of her. I spoke to one of my girlfriends about the episode and she said “Jenny that is something I know you would totally do!”

I mean hasn’t everyone, male and female, thought about their wedding?

Haven’t we all broken out in hives, had small panic attacks or shortness of breath when thinking of committing to someone for the rest of our lives?

If you laughed and said “No”, well thanks for making this conversation awkward for me. Appreciate it.

It’s such a big commitment that should never be taken lightly, any sort of commitment that involves someone else, where you have an effect on their emotional wellbeing, warrants careful consideration. Quite frankly, when I think of that, I start to sweat a little bit, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Now if you feel like this is something you cannot do and you’re freaking out, DON’T DO IT!

Back to my moment of enlightenment:

So I’m hardcore looking at different sites, thinking I won’t look good in this, no, my guest wouldn’t appreciate this style, this is out of my budget and etcetera. Then of course I snap back into reality and realize, Jenn…you’re not engaged, your single and you’re losing it!

Now I wonder am I really losing it? I know many women and men who have always planned their wedding and thought about how that would be, so why do I feel like if I share this with the world, that I am going to be judged?

Well, that’s because I will be judged.

Weddings in our modern day are not what they use to be. Now, SOME of them serve as “get out of jail free cards” and “relationship solidifiers”. How often do we hear or say to someone, “Oh you’ve been with ___ for 1 year? When are you getting engaged? When is the big day?”

It seems as though we’re in a race and the big trophy is getting married. I mean I’m certain the pressure of being with someone intensifies when everyone around you is pushing you towards something. More often than not we women apply the same pressure, guilty tripping and giving unwarranted ultimatums.
Men! You do it too! You use marriage as a carrot and dangle it in front us and of course when someone wants something, nothing stands in our way of getting it, even our own good conscious.

What about all of the other people who ignore the pressures of today, believe in the sanctity of marriage and actually want to be a husband/wife? Where do we stand? Are we dying breed? Should I keep searching for my dream dress?

I’m going to say yes! Keep that hope alive, stay true to your values and you’ll be shopping for wedding attire sometime soon I hope.

Be mindful of the pressures of today, there are almost 7 billion people in the world, the right one for you is out there. Finally, remember, if you’re going to marry someone it should be a lifetime commitment so don’t rush time, let time run its natural course.

Back to Google I go!

Xoxox

Love & Light

Jenny Love 2224

The Call

The Call

How many times have you answered the phone to the sound of your ex on the other line? Better asked, how many times have you heard your ex’s voice and wondered, “what the hell are you doing calling me?!”

It happens to me all too often, where I’ve finally stopped thinking of someone daily, replaying our relationship over,  picking the details apart with a fine tooth comb and I’ve finally stopped hearing their ringtone every time my phone rung….

And of course, to my luck and I’m certain there’s a few people out there who can relate, the phone rings and it’s you!  What should you do at this point? Act as though nothing? As if this is completely normal? Ask questions?

To me this whole scenario is similar to walking into a field of landmines with a blindfold on.

It’s….. “it’s so exciting!”

What have I done when I hear that person calling? All of the above in a 5 minute window, it’s like I get diarrhea of the mouth! I know you’ve experienced that before.

To my defense it only happens once in a blue moon! (Any of my past lovers reading this should feel special right about now)

For those of you wondering, what happens during those 5 minutes of torture for both parties, here it is, in a nutshell:

Excitement, fear, worry, anger, more excitement, horny-ness, a little bit more anger and to top it off, memory loss.

We get excited because we genuinely miss the conversations once held, we fear of losing that again, we worry about the purpose of the call, we get angry because we’re experiencing of all these feelings, do I really need to explain the horny part? Okay, moving on, and back to angry…. Angry because again, we realize we just word vomited all over you.  We realized that this person who may have left your life abruptly, rudely, wrongfully, hurtfully and a million other ways, is calling again! Out of nowhere! Where the hell did you come from?! I forgot the most important feeling, shocked!

So I want to switch gears really quickly, because I recently noticed that I’m completely guilty of being that random ex-girlfriend caller! Yup, Guilty as charged!

Here I am driving on the highway, whistling dixie, popping bubble gum and staring at myself in the mirror and all of a sudden something reminds me of “him”! The moment is so innocent, it happens so fast, it’s like a mental attack, I’ve lost all control and I call you!

“Hey what’s up stranger!?”

Now that I hear myself replaying this, I sound so pathetic!

That “thing” that reminded me of you, didn’t remind me of how I made you feel, how you made me feel the last time we spoke, what’s happened since then, I completely draw a blank….It isn’t that I forgot all of these things, I don’t want to think about that, I just want to go back to that happy place for just one minute.

You answer the phone, kind of confused, I have no real reason why I’m calling you and here comes the rainstorm of questions! Kindly known as “diarrhea of the mouth”.

I would think that one would know how to handle the situation given that chances are you’ve played both roles but that pesky little thing called memory loss kicks in! 

It really is indescribable what it feels like when you’re in both positions.

I know for me, in both positions, honesty would be the best policy, but it’s so hard to knowingly ruin a moment, when you can easily ignore the truth and carry on with a fairytale moment, even if it doesn’t last long.

My advice to you, before you pick up the phone, think about the purpose of you opening your mouth, think about why you’re really calling because whether you want to believe it or not, you’re opening up a can of worms that you probably did not want to open. 

If you need to hear that person’s voice, don’t be selfish, after you’ve hung up the phone the other person could be hurting all over again just because you could not control yourself. 

If you receive that call, proceed with caution, ask the necessary questions needed in order to get a better understanding of the situation and most importantly don’t allow memory loss to cloud your judgment!

I can’t change the world but if I can change the way one person handles a situation to avoid hurting someone else, then I have to always be honest with myself and you.

Minor changes make a world of a difference!

___________________________________________________

Love & Light

J.Love 1934