Ahh…(Deep sigh) Only the lord knows how often I am asked “ Why are you so beautiful and you’re single?” I really need to get an empty office water cooler bottle(LOL) and put a nickel in their every time I hear this, maybe this will help me save money! Good idea Jenn.
“Why hasn’t anyone taken you off the market?”
And he followed up with….”What’s wrong with you?” LOL and No, I did not get offended but it made me think! And a lot of times I refer to my rolodex( in my head) of quotes because I need some sort of guidance and sometimes my friends aren’t the great philosophers I need them to be.. So I stopped at an Albert Einstein Quote:
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Eureka! I thought to myself! I’m insane that’s why!
So I thought about all of the common things that I do. I try to be captain save a hoe. I try to date people I’m not attracted to and hope I’ll learn to love them. I’ll try to love someone who doesn’t want to be loved. But why?
Is something wrong with my self esteem?!!?? Is this my form of sabotaging a potential relationship! I don’t know but one thing I learned was I have to identify what I look for first. Thanks Aristotle - “Well begun is half done.”
Second thing I needed to do was to ask myself “Am I that retarded that I continue to do the same thing over and over again and I never notice?!” Perhaps! But in my defense =) each of my experiences have all been the same but with very different “Twist”.
Majority of the men I go for are the “Commitment phoebes” The challenge does something to me. Hearing someone tell me, they like me but, they love being single, entices me! (P.S. I think men know what they are doing when they say this: BEWARE) Again in my defense, I’m pretty sure right before I met each of these lovely men I was sitting on a couch somewhere watching lifetime, with a cup of tea, my hair in shambles and thinking “Oh my god..This could totally be me” I always thought that would be the best wedding speech!
“My dearest Jennifer, Oh when I met you, I wanted nothing more than to be selfish, lonely, and a bachelor forever…But then you came along and you changed my whole life….( praises me)…oh you’re so beautiful,(more praises), thank you for changing my mind…I love you” The crowd goes wild with cheers and happiness…..and off into the sunset we go to live this happy life….
BUT as always… (deep sigh) It doesn’t happen like that!
Instead I’m investing time into someone who clearly just wants the companionship but not the commitment, someone who is really not what I need or want in life. We women always describe the same thing; you know what it is… Our needs, our wants, our description of a man are generally all the same but obviously we all can’t have the same man, Angelina Jolie has him. Self sabotage again!
It is easy for us to say what we want, but when someone appears before us who at first is different then what we expect we give them the boot! We won’t even know if this person was someone who would be great for us. We set expectations and limitations for ourselves but we are not brave enough to go to the unknown. Majority of us are all insane! We go for the same guy over and over again thinking the outcome will be better…
One day I remember having what I thought to be a deep conversation with a person, and I asked “ I can tell you have a wall up, Do you want someone to break it down?” What a great question that is to ask, write that down for future reference. Anywho, he never formally answered, but I ignored it, I psyched myself out to think otherwise, when all along he did answer. Sometimes actions do speak louder than words but we have to choose to listen to them.
Some people can have a wall up, that is fine. The question is do they really want someone to break it down? Some people like where they are.
In everyone’s defense I really do believe knowingly hurting someone isn’t our first choice, but not letting someone know how you really feel is worse.
Settling: What a lot of us single folks do.
A lot of relationships fail because we go into them settling, trying to build something off of a foundation that was NEVER stable to begin with.
Expectations: Setting yourself up for failure, when you expect less you receive more. Obviously this refers to outlandish expectations. Example: a 4 karat ring when you have a $100 budget.
Learn how and when to use both of those actions accurately.
Next time this beauty jumps into something I will:
- Be honest with my needs
- Be respectful of the other person
- Accept the truth of the matter
- Not only hear what the other person is saying but LISTEN
- I will not expect a marriage proposal on my 2nd date. I’ll just enjoy every moment to the fullest
- I will not settle nor will I allow someone to settle just for me…( If I’m not a good match )
Homework for your next date: Just relax, enjoy the company, be honest and don’t be afraid of change.
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Love and Light!
Jenny Love!
Absolutely love this. I stopped lying some time ago because why play games with someone elses feelings and im a bad liar......... and my memory sucks to much to lie lol. I believe if to adults want to hook up for whatever reason then so be it. As long as they both are up front with each other
ReplyDeleteI agree with E's comments. And your post hit the nail right on the head Jenn. Before getting into a relationship we have to be real with ourselves and cant expect the person we're dealing with to be that dream person. no one's perfect. we just have to approach everything with an open mind and take things for what they are. if things work out, they work out and if they dont, they dont. we cant turn people into what WE want them to be, thats unfair. either we accept who we're dealing with, flaws and all or we just move on. damn i hope i made sense lol
ReplyDeleteoh Jenny that last comment was mine, its mel. i dont know wassup with all those numbers and letters in my name lol
ReplyDeleteIm so guilty of being that person.......the person whos expectations are wayyy to high and for those reasons falls flat on her fac when she realizes, oops I cant change this one either ........ Its a sad world I live in when it comes to love. I think I sometimes, just want to stop wanting more and just appreciate whatever they are willing to give. But then I might fall into the "settle for less" category........itd a whirlwind tis crazy thing called love.
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